*వ్యాపారం బాగా 'సాగాలంటే' ఏం చేయాలి?
'రబ్బరు వ్యాపారం' చేస్తే సరి!
*'చస్తే ఏ గొడవా లేదు' అంటారు నిజమేనా?
కాస్త సవరణ. 'బీమా చేసి చస్తే ఏ గొడవాలేదు' అంటే బాగుంటుంది.
*నాయకులకు ఉపయోగపడేందుకు తిట్లలో శిక్షణ ఇవ్వడానికి ఒక సంస్థను ఏర్పాటు చేయాలనుకుంటున్నా. కమర్షియల్‌గా ఇది క్లిక్‌ అవుతుందంటారా?
నలుగురు తిడుతుంటే ఆ సంస్థకు అవే ఆశీర్వచనాలు అవుతాయి. దానికి కమర్షియల్‌ విలువ కూడా వచ్చి తీరుతుంది.
*స్టాక్‌ మార్కెట్‌లో నెగ్గుకు రావాలంటే...?
'స్టాక్‌'చాతుర్యం ఉండి తీరాలి.
*నాకు ప్రపంచ బ్యాంకుకే రుణమిచ్చినట్లు కల వచ్చింది. నిజంగా అదే జరిగితే?
అంతా 'కల'కలమే!
*కోట్ల రూపాయలు ఖర్చుపెట్టి కట్టే కట్టడాలు కూడా రోజులు లెక్కపెడుతున్నట్లు నాసిరకంగా తయారవుతున్నాయి. బిల్లులు మాత్రం బ్రహ్మాండంగా ఉంటున్నాయి. మీరు ఏమంటారు?
'గుడ్‌' వచ్చి 'బిల్లు'ను వెక్కిరించడమంటే ఇదే మరి!
*నాకు ఏ అర్హతా లేదు. మంచి తెలివితేటలూ లేవు. వ్యాపారం చేయమంటారా? ఉద్యోగం చేయమంటారా?
మీ ఒంటికి ఈ రెండూ సరిపడవు గానీ రాజకీయాల్లో చేరండి. అటు వ్యాపారం ఎఫెక్టూ వస్తుంది. ఉద్యోగమూ చేసినట్లు ఉంటుంది. పైన ఒకాయన తిట్ల ఇనిస్టిట్యూట్‌ పెడదామనుకుంటున్నాడట. అడ్రస్‌ కనుక్కుని వెళ్లి ఓ నాలుగు తిట్లు నేర్చుకోండి చాలు.
(Eenadu, 11:11:2001)
Recently Procter & Gamble India had participated in IIM-Bangalore’s Placement Sessions. They asked some interesting questions to students during recruitment.
,
Here are some of them:-
*********************************
1. There is one word in the English language that is alway pronounced incorrectly. What is it?
,
2. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?
,
3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it’s highest, how many rungs are under water?
,
4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is the bear?
,
5. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?
,
6. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the floor. Who is Sloppy? How did Sloppy die?
,
7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?
,
8. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water which is 45 degrees F, and dropped another ball of the same weight, mass, and size in a bucket at 30 degrees F, both of them at the same time, which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first? Same question, but the location is in Canada?
,
9. What is th e significance of the following: The year is 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th.
,
10. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in the center field?
,
11. What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?
,
Scroll down for answers…………
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
1. The word “incorrectly.”
,
2. 1:45. The man gave away a total of 25 cents. He divided it between two
people. Therefore, he
gave a quarter to two.
,
3. None, the boat rises with the tide. Googly ;-)
,
4. White. If all the walls face south, the house is at the North pole, and
the bear, therefore, is a polar bear.
,
5. Three. Well, it seems that it could almost be either, but if you follow
the mathematical orders of operation, division is performed before addition.
So… half of two is one. Then add two, and the answer is three.
,
6. Sloppy is a (gold)fish. The wind blew the shutters in, which knocked his
goldfish-bowl off the table, and it broke, killing him.
,
7. None. No matter how big a hole is, it’s still a hole: the absence of
dirt.
,
8. Both questions, same answer: the ball in the bucket of 45 degree F water
hits the bottom of the bucket last. Did you think that the water in the 30
degree F bucket is frozen? Think again. The question said nothing about that
bucket having anything in it. Therefore, there is no water (or ice) to slow
the ball down…
,
9. The time and month/date/year American style calendar are 12:34, 5/6/78.
,
10. One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack.
,
11. The temperature.
1. Sardi : You cheated me.
Shopkeeper: How ?
Sardi : You said this is American made radio. But when I put it ON, it says All India Radio.
2. Sardi got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have a pass.
3. Sardi joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardi : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
4. On a romantic day sardi's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardi : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
5. Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
6. 2 sardis were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardi 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardi 2 : Dont worry, I have a one more.
7. Sardi was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardi why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardi : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
8. Sardi : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardi : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
9. Boss : Where were you born ?
sardi : Punjab.
Boss : which part ?
sardi : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
10. How will you destroy a submarine full of sardis?Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.
11.Four guys,one each from Harvard, Yale, MIT university and SANTA from Punjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job.
One common question was asked to all 4 of them.
INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?
YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light.
HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; b'cos thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.
MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked.
SANTA : Its Loose motion
INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked) "WHY"?
SANTA : Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!
SARDAR JOKES
12.Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower Berth..
13.Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at night, nobody will b there............."
Girl goes at night & really nobody was there.
14.A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form He had gone to DELHI for filling up.
U know y?
FORM said " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
15.A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was?
. . . . . He opened a Saloon in Punjab!.
16.A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
17.Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
18.Sardar had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again d same. disgusted Sardar named them TIRED & RETIRED!
19. SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.
ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME IN A BIG GROUP OF 19?
THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...
20.A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat him why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"
21.Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
22.Sardar gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly.
A man asks why he does this.
Sardar:"I've been promoted as branch manager."
23.Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open mouth.................
WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"
24.Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
25.SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY.
HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF - I SARDAR, SHE SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY....
26.One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U knw Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
27.Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
28.Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor.
At 50th floor he remembers- I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa
29.Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
30.A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have a Air cell phone but still hutch network is following me.
31.Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!
32.A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
33.Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet.
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
34. What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.
35.Sardar proposed a Girl......
Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'...........
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye,I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
36.WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT EMERGENCY?
THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.
37.Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10.
38.A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR.
39.Sardar's wish : when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died peacefuly in his sleep not screaming like all d passengers in d car he was driving..
40.Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!
41.Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
42.Sardar news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
43.A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".
44.Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON OXYGEN TUBE!"
45.Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said-im seeing how I look while sleeping.
Time for some male bashing.....( for a change )..to some women who need a laugh.. and to men who can handle it!
Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A: Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
Q: What makes men chase women when they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of
driving.
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
A Software Engineer's Wedding Invitation !
(An e-mail forward)
I've realized that........
