Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!   

 

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******** Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!  

 

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ******** Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.  
 

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market..  

 

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Santa’s girfriend: Meri maa aapko bahut pasand karti hai.
Santa, after a deep thought: Kuchh bhi ho jaye, shaadi to main tujhse hi karunga! 

 

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ** Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.  

 

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use  pehchan nahin pa raha   

 

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *****Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet.
Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could have posted it.  
 

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******Why did Santa sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept.  

 

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo..   

 

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********

Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga…  

 

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********

Santa bought a car on loan… He didn’t pay the dues, the bank took away his car.
Santa: If I knew this, I’d have taken a loan for my marriage also!  

 

The Best way to Escape from a Problem is to Solve it”

                                                          

Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants. 
Servant: It’s already raining. 
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first. 
                                                          
A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote “DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!”

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles to Deliver U This Packet
Sardar: - why did U come so far. Instead U could Have posted it…. 

                                                          

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How’ll U divide your kids, U”VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We’ll apply NEXT YEAR

Sardar’s wish: when I die, I wana die like my Grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not Screaming like all d passengers in d car he was Driving..

                                                          

A Teacher lecturing on population:

“In Indi a after every 10 secs a women gives birth to a kid. “ 
A Sardar stands up- “We must find & stop her!. ” 

A man: “Sardarji, tell me, why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in the evening not in the morning?”

Sardarji: ”Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM”.  
                                                          
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. 
The Chinese friend just says “CHIN YU YAN” and dies. 
Sardarji goes to China  to find the meaning of his friend’s last Words. 
And finds It means “U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!” 


Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed. 
His wife asked what you are doing. 
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping. 
                                                           
Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?

Guess what… 
To avoid side effects!!!

Man: Sardarji where were U born? 
Sardarji: Punjab . 
Man: Which part? 
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar”.  
                                                          

Lawyer to Sardar: “Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke…… ”
Sardar :”Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!” 

A Sardar saw a beautiful girl… He went and kissed her…. 
Girl said- “What R U doing…?” 
Sardar replied- “B.COM from Khalsa college, Chandigar”  
                                                           
Sardar: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me. 
I don’t know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever I call someone and says “please recharge your card” 


A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.  Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. 
She showed him the instructions on the tin, “For Best Results put on Two Coats”  
                                                         

A sardar was drawing money from ATM,

The sardar behind him in the line said, “Ha! Ha! Haaa! I’ve seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). ” 
The first sardar replies, “Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258″ 

Q:) How do U recognize a sardar in school or College??? 
A:) They are the ones who erase their notebooks when the teacher erases the blackboard… BOLO tarara!!  

                                                          
Q:) Why did the sardarji sleep with a scale? 
A:) Because he wanted to measure how long he has Slept…….. 

Santa Singh MBBS 
After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice. 
He checked his first patient’s Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch. 
Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!

•  

Santa Jokes

Santa asks: Who r u?
Wife: How dare u forget ur wife?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai


Santa was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Banta asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Santa: Can’t u read ‘Parking for two wheelers only’


Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.

Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.


Santa: Raat film main ek chudail kabhi mere aage, khabhi mere peechhe ghoom rahi thi…
Jeeto: Koun si film thi ?
Santa: Apni shaadi ki movie thi !


Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I’m falling in love.


Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye


Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents


Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue u’ve broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.



Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am


A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?


In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ….
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup…


Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated…
drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!


Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage bado Santa aage nahin bada
Captain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?
Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha



Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bara afsos hua, vaise hua kya tha?
Santa: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.


Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver ne sheesha set kiya.
Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!


Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai…?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.


Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India Radio!


Sadhu: Bachcha teri biwi ko chuddail chipak gayee hai. Upaaye karvaao.
Banta: Upayaye? Baba, agar do behenein gale mil rahi hain to is mein harz hi kya hai ?


Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu’s skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu’s skeleton when he was child


Napoleon: There is no such word as ‘Impossible’ in my dictionary.
Santa: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi …!


Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai



Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI


Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: ‘Le Karle Number Note’


Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.


Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.


Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya


Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?


Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: ‘Free Delivery’